Life. The most important thing I learned about grief is that it isn’t linear, and it isn’t logical.

Life is full of surprises. Since kid I always wondered why life is so challenging??!!

As a very passionate and ambitious person since age 10 I started making and earning my own bread. My mother who passed away 20 years back said me one thing no matter what to be independent. 


For years, I’d assumed I would be completely incapable of functioning after my mom died. I had no idea what my life would or even could look like after that. I couldn’t imagine it, just like I couldn’t imagine, when I was a kid, what it would be like to drive a car or go to college or even just be a grown up; it felt like I would just have to cease to exist when she did.

And yet, here I am, 20 years after my mom’s death on Dec 18 2001. I don’t know if I’m thriving, or even “surthriving,” a term that makes me think of a preternaturally peppy Molly Shannon character on “Saturday Night Live.

I didn’t do anything in particular to survive her death except continue to stay alive. I certainly haven’t processed the pain, and I doubt I ever fully will; it’s all simmering just beneath my skin, ready to escape.





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