Maturity!

The road to becoming a mature man is paved with obstacles. It offers some hard lessons along the way that you either learn from or find yourself hopelessly going in circles.

If I could offer one word of advice to my younger self traveling this road, it’d be this…

No one is coming to save you.

I wasted so much time on dead-end schemes, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling lost. I circled that loop of self-loathing and blaming everyone else for so long it became unconscious.

Looking back, I’m certain that some part of me felt comfortable in that cycle because I thought I was entitled to a happy ending. “I’m a good person” keeps people in situations like mine – fat, aimless, addicted, yet expecting someone or something to happen along and make it all better.

Life calls upon you to be the leader of your own destiny. You have to accept that call to graduate into manhood and emotional maturity. More often than not, we ignore the call in favor of retaining the comfort and naivete of a child.

I eventually figured it out, but can’t help but imagine what life would look like if I’d had this information earlier. Here’s what I’d tell my younger self on how to mature as a man.

Learn to solve problems before they become problems

Difficulties in life are rarely surprises.

Listen to someone who always has problems vent about them, and you would believe that they have the most unfortunate streak of bad luck. But ask a few questions, and it’s clear that they bypassed or flat-out ignored dozens of red flags.

Random occurrences and ‘bad luck’ aren’t really random if you know they always eventually occur. I’m not saying random things don’t happen.

But planning and making contingencies help you take an offensive approach to be less blindsided and avoid hard times. This prepares you for your problems instead of tip-toeing through life in fear of them.

For example, you know that eventually, your car will have an issue, someone will throw a party, something in your home will break, etc…

So you learn to budget for these “random” occurrences.

This also applies to relationships.

Volatile people who are always ready to fight over little things will at some point pick a fight with you. The girl you’re dating who disrespects you during an argument will amplify that disrespect later.

That friend who never pays you back is never going to pay you back.

Your ability to recognize these things gives you the foresight to see what they can become and how bad it can get. Good decision-making requires that you observe events, think about what led to them, and recognize when you start to see these signs again.

Once you notice a pattern, take action before letting the situation worsen.

Take willful ownership of yourself and your environment

Refusing to take responsibility for situations will keep you in them. You can’t take control of your life until you take ownership of yourself and everything in your environment.

I was always coming up with an excuse for why I was failing out of college, why I needed to drink and why my life was the way it was.

It wasn’t until I was fed up with my own bullshit that I was able to make a real change.

Immature people are comfortable making excuses for themselves because it’s easier than the realization that you are responsible for having a life you hate. This is called confirmation bias –

taking credit when things go right but passing the blame when they go wrong. 1

Terrible things do happen. No one gets out of life without trauma but it’s your responsibility to deal with and recover from that trauma – even if you weren’t the cause of it.

Your parents abused or neglected you… Have you studied the effects this can have in adulthood and gotten the help you need? What can you do to help someone else who has gone through it?

You got cheated or scammed… What signs did you ignore? What made you miss or overlook faulty logic or character flaws?

Another driver hits your car… Could you have anticipated their negligence or recklessness? How can you use this situation to strengthen your patience and gratitude?

Leave the excuses for other people, but hold yourself to a higher standard. This puts you in a place where you aren’t a victim but an active participant in your life.

Taking aggressive responsibility for your life puts you in a position for personal growth and greater self-esteem.

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